by Peggy Shoel
(Based on an article originally printed in "Newsline," September 2000.)
I belong to several E-Voice blind chat groups and I have noticed an attitude harbored by a number of participants that disturbs me as a person who was fully sighted well into my adulthood. I am talking about an attitude of us-vs.-them which many people who are blind seem to have and to bring out whenever they encounter one of the "them," i.e., a member of the sighted population. For these people, unsolicited assistance offered by a sighted person is considered highly offensive and is interpreted as an indication that the sighted person considers the blind individual to be helpless, less than a whole person, and incapable of functioning independently. For those blind individuals who think that way, an angry response to an offer of assistance, with comments such as "No, I don't need your help. I didn't ask for your help. What makes you think I need your help? Don't you think I can manage on my own?" seems to me to be quite inappropriate.
You know, we as blind people expect to be treated with cordiality, sensitivity and respect, and sighted people have a right to those expectations as well. There are two acceptable ways to respond to an unsolicited offer of assistance. One is, "Yes, thank you, I'd appreciate that" and the other is "No, I can manage, but thank you for asking."
On one of my E-Voice blind chat groups, a young lady posted a message with great glee and an "I got her" chuckle. She had gone into a restaurant by herself and ordered a meal, and when it arrived, a well-intentioned waitress quietly whispered to her that her chicken was at 12 o'clock, her potatoes at 3 o'clock, etc. So offended was the blind young lady that as the waitress was talking, she turned her dish round and round, thereby displacing the clock reference. The waitress left and the blind young lady thought she had shown her. And she had. And what she had shown her was that she should never again offer assistance to a blind person.
I have never seen any behavior that extreme or inappropriate in our group, but I have seen things that verge on being impolite responses, such as an exasperated, "No, I can do this myself!" in response to someone offering to help an individual into a van. I do not believe anyone is diminished by accepting a legitimate offer of help when the reality is that we probably don't need it. I do think we are diminished by being rude. A young man gleefully related a story about how he was walking down the street with his cane and a sighted man asked him how he managed to walk. And he sarcastically replied, "Well, I put one foot down, and then I put the other foot down and so on." Now perhaps the sighted man was being a jerk, but perhaps he really wanted to know how the blind individual got where he needed to go, in which case a response explaining the use of canes, a dog guide, or other techniques would have informed and educated the sighted man. I believe we need to allow sighted people to ask us how we do things. And I also believe that when we decline an offer of assistance, it is our responsibility to do it in such a way that the person offering help will feel comfortable offering assistance to another blind person -- who may really need and want it.