by Deb Cook Lewis
Every Tuesday evening, our house transformed into a stage for one of the most fascinating spectacles I had ever witnessed. My great-grandfather, a man of immense wisdom and strong opinions, would arrive punctually for dinner. His visits were not merely family gatherings; they were the starting point for deep, and often heated, political discussions with my father. These discussions became a significant part of my upbringing, shaping my understanding of discourse and the art of communication.
The Art of Listening
One of the most profound lessons I learned from these evening debates was the importance of truly listening. My great-grandfather and my father seldom agreed on any issue, yet they engaged each other with a level of respect that was remarkable. My father made it a point to listen to what my great-grandfather felt was important, even if he didn’t particularly consider it the central issue. This practice of acknowledging the other person's concerns, regardless of personal disagreements, taught me that listening is not just about hearing words, but about understanding the essence of the other person's perspective.
Finding Common Ground
Despite their frequent disagreements, my great-grandfather and my father always searched for common points, no matter how tangential they were to the main topic. This pursuit of commonality, even in the midst of conflict, was a powerful lesson. It demonstrated that finding even the smallest shared idea could pave the way for more constructive conversations. This approach helped to keep their discussions from descending into chaos and allowed them to maintain a thread of connection, despite their differing viewpoints.
Maintaining Focus
In their debates, it was crucial for my father to make his most important point early, especially if he felt the conversation was not yielding a relationship. This was another valuable lesson. Introducing additional concerns could fragment the discussion and obscure the main point. My father’s strategy of prioritizing his key argument ensured that the core message was communicated effectively, even if the conversation veered off course.
Personal Yet Composed
Both my great-grandfather and my father were passionate about their beliefs, but they always managed to remain composed. They were personal, sharing their experiences and emotions, but they avoided excessive drama. This taught me the importance of being sincere and authentic in communication, while also maintaining a certain level of composure. It was a delicate balance between being heartfelt and maintaining clarity and respect in the conversation.
Ending on a Positive Note
No matter how intense their discussions became, my great-grandfather and my father always found a way to conclude with a common element or a shred of hope. They proposed next steps, whether it was a follow-up letter or another visit. This practice of ending on a positive note reinforced the idea that even in disagreement, there could be continuity and progress. It left room for future dialogue and maintained the bond between them.
Conclusion
The Tuesday evening debates between my great-grandfather and my father were more than just political discussions. They were lessons in listening, finding common ground, maintaining focus, being personal yet composed, and ending on a positive note. These principles have been invaluable to me, not just in political discourse, but in all areas of communication. In an era where divisive rhetoric often prevails, the lessons I learned from my great-grandfather and my father serve as a reminder of the importance of respectful and constructive dialogue.
Their interactions were a testament to the power of communication and the enduring strength of family bonds, even amidst profound disagreements. And every Tuesday evening, as we sat around the dinner table, I was a privileged observer of this dynamic interplay, absorbing lessons that would stay with me for a lifetime.