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Tips for Travelers to Texas: Understanding the Language

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Richard Villa for sharing this dictionary of “Texas Talk” with the ACB Listserv. We think any of you who plan to visit George Covington in Texas’s high desert may want to learn these “Texas Terminologies” before you go!)

A test to see if you are REALLY a Texan! If you are a REAL TEXAN:

  1. You measure distance in minutes.

  2. You’ve had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same day.

  3. Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.

  4. Stores don’t have shopping carts; they have buggies.

  5. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

  6. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

  7. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, flower, or animal.

  8. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

  9. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.

  10. You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe-hunting” are.

  11. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

  12. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

  13. You think sexy lingerie is a T-shirt and boxer shorts.

  14. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for football and fishing.

  15. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

  16. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

  17. You find 90 degrees F “just a little warm.”

  18. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.

  19. You know whether another Texan is from southern, middle, or northern Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

  20. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 500 or more.

  21. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as “goin’ Wal-Mart’in” or “off to Wally World.”

  22. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

  23. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop ... it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.

  24. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends no matter where they live in case they are planning to visit.