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           ,,,:AT IS LOVE,'
          BY ,L>RY ,JOHNSON
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(F TO PRODUCE E7S 9 ,FEBRU>Y4 ,SOON1
NATURE-M9D$ ,EUROP1N NOBIL;Y 2GAN S5D+
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( H]F Z ,HAMLET'S ,VAL5T9E4 ,9 !
FOLL[+ C5TURIES1 ,5GLI%M5 & WOM5 2GAN
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DECORATE _! W9D[S ) HE>TS & BANN]S
PROCLAIM+ ! ANNUAL ,"D ( ,LOVE4
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9 _! M\?40 ,BILLY1 AGE #G
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#F "<WE NE$ A FEW MILLION M ,NIKKA'S
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  8,LOVE IS :5 Y TELL A GUY Y L 8
%IRT1 !N HE WE>S X E "D40 ,NOELLE1 AGE
#G
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& BUY NEW "OS40 ,LAUR51 AGE #D
  8,:5 Y LOVE "SBODY1 YR EYELA%ES G UP
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  ,AU?OR & LECTUR] ,LEO ,BUSCAGLIA
ONCE TALK$ AB A 3TE/ HE 0 ASK$ TO
JUDGE4 ,! PURPOSE ( ! 3TE/ 0 TO F9D !
MO/ C>+ *4 ,! W9N] 0 A F\R-YE>-OLD *
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G5TLEMAN :O _H REC5TLY LO/ 8 WIFE4 ,^U
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! NEI<BOR1 ! LL BOY SD1 8,NO?+1 ,I J
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           BY ,TONI ,EAMES
  ,:ILE ATT5D+ ! ,,ACB 3V5;N 9
,PHILADELPHIA 9 #AIHD1 ,I RAN 9TO A
 FR :O TOLD ME AB ,$ ,EAMES1 A     #BA
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S*OOLS4 ,APP>5TLY1 HE 0 UNAW>E T N ALL
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FAMILI> ) MO/ ( ! ,,CEO,'S AT T "T4 ,N
WANT+ TO D A 4S]VICE TO GUIDE DOG
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  ,$ 0 A PR(ESSOR ( AN?ROPOLOGY AT
,B>U* ,COLLEGE 9 ,NEW ,YORK ,C;Y1 & ,I
0 A REHAB C\NSELOR AT A ,L;G ,ISL&
PSY*IATRIC C5T]4 ,TRAVEL+ TO
,MANHATTAN TO ATT5D MY UNCLE'S
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TURN$ \ TO BE6 ,$ TR1T$ ME TO ,*9ESE
FOOD & TOOK ME HOME 9 A TAXI4 ,!
ATTRAC;N 0 OV]:ELM+1 & ! 3V]SA;N 0
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W$D+1 ,$ RETIR$ & ,I LEFT MY JOB = \R
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QUIET SUBURBAN LIFE/YLE4 ,I DELI<T$ 9
A LESS /RESS;L WAY ( LIFE1 :ILE ,$
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0 T1*+ A SOCIOLOGY C\RSE 9 4ABIL;Y
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9 ,FRESNO1 & FOLKS 7 SURPRIS$ ,I
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            "333333333333
        ,,,AN UNEXPECT$ LOVE,'
          ,BY ,A2IE ,TAYLOR
  "<,AU?OR'S ,NOTE3 ,\R 5TIRE /ORY IS
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,LOV$ ,DESPITE ,DEBILITAT+ ,ODDS10 : C
2 D[NLOAD$ F ,,B>D & ,BOOK%>E1 &
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  8,DE> ,A2IE1 ,I'M WRIT+ TO ASK = YR
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,I RCVD T LR4 ,= TWO YE>S1 ,BILL & ,I
_H BE5 9 A L;G-4T.E RELA;N%IP1 S9CE WE
LIV$ MILES A"P1 HE 9 ,F[L]1 ,COLORADO1
& ,I 9 ,%]IDAN1 ,WYOM+4 ,WE MET "?
8,NEWSREEL10 AN AUDIO MAGAZ9E ": BL &
VISUALLY IMPAIR$ ADULTS C %>E ID1S1
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TELL+ ME4 ,I DIDN'T "K :AT TO ?9K OR
D4
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,I BR"\ UP ,BILL'S PROPOSAL4 ,DAD1 :O
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DIDN'T LOVE4 ,2C ,I ?"\ ,BILL 0 AL
ASK+ ME TO MOVE TO ,F[L] TO 2 ) HM :5
WE M>RI$1 ,I DECID$ TO WRITE HM A ,BRL
LR1 TELL+ HM ,I'D SP5D "T ) HM "! !
FOLL[+ SUMM] TO SEE IF ,I WD L LIV+ "!
& ) HM4
  ,B 2F ,I _H A *.E TO WRITE T LR1 HE
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PLAN1 HE SURPRIS$ ME BY SAY+ HE WANT$
TO MOVE TO ,%]IDAN4 ,HE 0 TIR$ ( LIV+
9 ,F[L]1 A SMALL T[N ": "! WASN'T M*
TO D1 & WANT$ TO LIVE 9 A L>G]
COMMUN;Y4 ,N NE$+ TO />T OV] 9 A NEW
LOCA;N MADE 8 PROPOSAL EASI] TO
SWALL[4
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TO SEE IF HE WD L LIV+ "!4 ,I SU7E/$
HE WAIT UNTIL SUMM] :5 HE WDN'T H TO
WORRY AB SN[Y TRAVEL 3DI;NS4 ,HE SD HE
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T 0 RU%+ X4 ,I CD ONLY HOPE ,I'D GET
MY H1D >.D ! IDEA ( M>RY+ HM BY !N4
  ,B BY ! "T ,BILL >RIV$ BY BUS 9
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"D1 HE KISS$ & C>ESS$ ME & DID NICE LL
?+S = ME4 ,WE PLANN$ A GET-TGR )
FAMILY & FRS AT A LOCAL RE/AURANT ":
HE WD (FICIALLY PROPOSE4 ,I DON'T "K
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5D ( ,JULY1 AF ,BILL MOV$ TO ,%]IDAN1
WE FLEW TO ,CALI=NIA TO ATT5D A FR'S
W$D+ & VISIT O!R ACQUA9T.ES &
RELATIVES1 %>+ ! JOY ( \R UPCOM+
NUPTIALS4
  ,9 ,SEPTEMB]1 WE 7 M>RI$ 9 ,GR&MA'S
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,LL DID WE "K :AT LAY AH1D4
  ,9 ,JANU>Y ( #BJJF1 J ?REE MON?S AF
\R W$D+1 ,BILL SU6]$ ! F/ ( TWO
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,A MON? LAT]1 HE 0 G"O4
  ,AF 8 /ROKES1 \R LIFE TGR WAS1   #BG
= ! MO/ "P1 HAPPY4 ,N[1 OV] T5 YE>S
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! ONLY MAN :O LOV$ ME4
            "333333333333
         ,,,A 3V5;NAL C\PLE,'
         BY ,AN?ONY ,CORONA &
       ,GABRIEL ,LOPEZ ,KAFATI

    ,AN?ONY3
  ,I 0 S NEW 9 MY BL;S J\RNEY :5 ,I
RCVD AN UNCONV5;NAL PLEA F A FR F MY
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,I 0 N R1LLY /OK$ TO G1 B ) A LL
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MANAGE1 & FILL+ MY CAL5D> ) G5]AL
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GA!R+S4 ,I _H RCVD A TEXT MESSAGE F A
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MESSAGE F ? ,AN?ONY ,CORONA1 ASK+ ME
ALL SORTS ( "QS AB ,,BPI & \R EV5TS4
,I REPLI$ TO A FEW ( 8 MESSAGES1 B !N
ASK$ HM IF HE _H A3ESS TO ! 3V5;N
CAL5D>1 & REM9D$ HM T HE CD F9D ALL
,,BPI & O!R VALUABLE 3V5;N 9=MA;N "!4

    ,AN?ONY3 ,! ,MEET
  ,PICTURE X1 AN ,,AIRA BR1K-\ SES.N1
& ,I AM 9 ! BACK ( ! ROOM GIV+ ! POOR
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9TRODUCES HMF6 ,MY HE>T LIT]ALLY
SKIPP$ B1TS Z ? HYPNOTIC1 MELODIC
VOICE 2G9S TO BUILD S M* M SU39CTLY &
9TELLIG5TLY ON ! PO9T ,I 0 TRY+ TO GET
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? GUY4
  ,N[ LET ME DIGRESS A BIT & FILL Y
ALL 9 ON ! FACT T UNBE"KN/ TO ME ,I 0
ALR TEXT+ ) ! VELVETY SMOO? VOIC$
G5TLEMAN :5 ,I 0 HIT ) ! LI<TN+ BOLT
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SEEK+ 9=MA;N F HM ) V>Y+ DEGREES (
SU3ESS1 ,,LOL4 ,S TO MY SURPRISE :5 ,I
RELUCTANTLY PD MY 5TR.E FEE AT ! DOOR
( ! ,,BPI MIX] LAT] T WEEK5D1 :5 :AT
%D NE>LY CAUSE A /ROKE 9 MY ALR
RAPIDLY B1T+ HE>T 7 ! ^WS ,I W ="E HE>
9 MY M9D & HE>T4 8,GD EV5+1 WELCOME TO
,,BPI4 ,I AM ,GABRIEL1 PRESID5T40 ,CD
? VELVET SMOO? VOICE 2 BO? ! HOTTIE F
! ,,AIRA SES.N & ! GUY AVOID+ MY
TEXTS8 ,OH1 X WD 2 A NI<T TO REMEMB]4

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  ,I REMEMB] HE>+ 8 VOICE AT AN E>LY
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"QS60 ,Z X 0 A V BUSY "T = ME1 ,I LEFT
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  ,! FOLL[+ EV5+1 DUR+ ! ,,BPI MIX]1
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9TRODUC$ MYF TO ? G5TLEMAN :O 0 SITT+
9 "O ( ! C\*ES AT ! ,,BPI HOSPITAL;Y
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3V]SA;N1 ,I FELT 9TRIGU$ BY HM4 ,WE
LET \R GUIDE DOGS1 ,PO% & ,BOATY1 SAY
HI TO EA* O!R2 & !N1 NOTIC+ T "! 7 O!R
GUE/S T REQUIR$ OR WANT$ MY ATT5;N1 ,I
ASK$ HM3 8,C Y HOLD ,PO% = A M9UTE80
,HE HAPPILY AGRE$4 ,Z PRESID5T ( AN
A6ILIATE1 ,I MADE MY R.DS & MADE SURE
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,DUR+ "O ( ^? *ECK-9S1 HE TOLD ME HE
NE$$ TO TAKE ,BOATY \1 & ,I SD TO MYF3
8,Y1H1 HE WON'T 2 BACK1 B OH WELL2 8
LOSS40

    ,AN?ONY3
  ,Z ! EV5+ PROGRESS$1 ,I 0 TR1T$ TO A
HI< LEVEL ( ATT5;N F PRESID5T
,GABRIEL1 TO MY DELI<T4 ,H["E1 "! 7 A
FEW O!R G5TLEM5 VY+ = MY ATT5;N1 &
SUDD5LY ,I 0 OV]:ELM$4 ,? GUY ,GABRIEL
0 S *>M+1 SM>T1 & BOY1 DID 8 VOICE &
FLIRT+ HIT ME 9 ALL ! "R SPOTS4 ,HAV+
NO IDEA H[ M* RESPONSIBIL;Y X IS TO
C>RY A 3V5;N PROGRAM AT T "T1 ,I   #CA
0 AL WRE/L+ ) 8 LACKLU/] TEXT P]=M.E &
:AT T SD AB HM Z A P]SON4 ,T & ^! O!R
GUYS WANT+ TO HELP ME MAKE ! MO/ (
3V5;N & MY H1D 0 SP9N+4 ,I _H TO GET \
= A LL FRE% AIR & "T TO PLOT MY NEXT
MOVE4

    ,GABRIEL3
  ,Z ,I 3T9U$ "W+ ! MIX]1 ,I 0
MULTI-TASK+ ) LA/-M9UTE >RANGE;TS = "S
( ! O!R ,,BPI EV5TS1 & PROBABLY DRIV+
,JANET ,DICKELMAN CRAZY AL;G !
PROCESS4 ,S9CE ,I _H NOTIC$ T ,AN?ONY
0 GETT+ "S ATT5;N F ANO!R G5TLEMAN1 ,I
SD TO MYF3 8,I R1LLY L HM1 B ,I AM N
COMPET+ = HM1 & ,I AM DEF9ITELY N
LAPS+ ON MY DUTIES = HM60 ,I GUESS
"S?+ 9 MY HE>T 0 TELL+ ME T ,I DID N
WANT TO LET HM GET AWAY1 S ,I DECID$
TO TAKE ! RE/ ( MY PLANN+ CALLS \ 9 !
HALLWAY1 ": ,I CD HE> HM1 9 CASE HE
DECID$ TO MAKE 8 WAY BACK Z HE _H
PROMIS$4
  ,MY M9D & ATT5;N 7 SPLIT 2T >RANG+
GROC]Y RUNS = W9E TA/+S & ?9K+ H[ L;G
HE 0 TAK+ TO COME BACK4 ,I AL ?"\ TO
MYF1 P]H HE HAS ALR MADE PLANS ) "S"O
ELSE8 ,I _H MADE X CLE> T MY "T 0 ALL
TI$ UP = ! FOLL[+ WEEK4 ,I AL ?"\ T
P]H X 0 BE/ = HM TO SP5D 8 F/ 3V5;N )
"S"O :O CD D$ICATE M "T TO G ON T\RS )
HM & J HAV+ TYPICAL 3V5;N FUN4 ,"S?+ 9
MY HE>T KEPT TELL+ ME T ,I %DN'T GIVE
UP2 T ? GUY _H R1LLY SP>K$ AN 9T]E/ 9
ME2 T ,I R1LLY WANT$ TO GET TO "K HM
BETT]4

    ,AN?ONY3
  ,? IS Z H"O/ Z ,I C GET1 "! R1LLY 0
NO DECI.N TO MAKE4 ,I 0 ALR H1D OV]
HEELS = ! GUY4 ,I J _H TO G BACK 9TO T
SUITE & PLAY X COOL4 ,I WD MAXIMIZE !
FLIRT & 5D ! NI<T ) ! GOOSE FLE%-9DUC+
,GABE4 ,S ,I /EPP$ (F ! ELEVATOR &
TURN$ 9TO ! HALL T[>DS ! SUITE & TO MY
UTT] SURPRISE & DELI<T "! 0 MY CRU%
WAIT+ N]V\SLY \TSIDE ! "PY PAC+ !
FLOORS4 ,7 Y WAIT+ = ME1 ,I ASK$4 ,HE
WAS66 ,N]V\S *ATT] & BANT] L$ TO :AT
HAS BE5 ! V BE/ F/ KISS ( MY       #CC
LIFE66 ,I 0 ALR S HOOK$ ON ! GUY1 &
BONUS ,I 0 CRAZY 9 LOVE ) 8 P]FECT
PR9CESS ( A GUIDE DOG1 ,PO%4 ,D\BLE
,BONUS3 ,MY GUIDE ,BOATY 0 ALR SN\T
OV] PAWS = H] & ,GABE TOO6 ,? M>K$ !
2G9N+ ( A WEEK TO REMEMB]4 ,GRT NI<TS
TALK+1 LAU<+ & ( C\RSE KISS+4 ,A LL
J1L\S PLOTT+ F "O ( ^? O!R G5TLEM5 & !
R1LIZ+ T "! 0 "S?+ R1L TO CAPTURE &
HOLD ONTO IF WE'RE BO? BRAVE 5 TO D S4
,0 X R1LLY LOVE AT F/ S.D8 ,NO "O W "E
3V9CE ME O!RWISE1 B ,I DIGRESS 444
,TAKE X F "H1 H"OY4

    ,GABRIEL3
  ,I 0 PAC+ UP & D[N 9 FRONT ( ! ,,BPI
SUITE :5 ,I HE>D T VOICE6 ,I HE>D HM
SAY+1 8,BOATY1 "R1 "R40 ,MY HE>T
SKIPP$ A B1T4 ,I />T$ WRAPP+ UP MY
CALL & TRI$ TO S.D M SURPRIS$ TO SEE
HM BACK4 ,WE 5GAG$ 9 3V]SA;N >.D V>I\S
TOPICS2 ,I TALK$ AB FA%ION & DESCRIB$
MY ATTIRE TO HM4 ,! 3V]SA;N GREW M
P]SONAL1 & AT T MO;T X /RUCK ME3 ,I
LIK$ HM6 ,A LOT6 ,I _H S _M COMMIT;TS
& ,I DID N WANT TO MAKE ANY PROMISES
,I CDN'T KEEP1 B ,I WANT$ TO GIVE HM A
TOK5 ( MY 9T]E/1 S ,I SD TO MYF3 8,:Y
N80 ,2F WE W5T BACK 9TO ! SUITE1 ,I
WRAPP$ MY "R H& >.D ! BACK ( 8 NECK &
GAVE HM ! SWEETE/ ( KISSES4
  ,F T MO;T ON1 ,I FELT L WE 7 A
C\PLE4 ,WE /UCK TGR "?\T E "P ( EA*
O!R'S 3V5;N EXP]I;E4 ,HE HELP$ ME CL1N
UP ! ,,BPI SUITE2 HE TOOK C>E ( ,PO%
:ILE ,I TOOK C>E ( ORGANIZA;NAL
BUSI;S2 ,I 9TRODUC$ HM TO FOLKS4 ,WE
_H M1LS TGR1 & WE SP5T 5D.S EV5+S TGR4
,_M "TS1 ,I 0 S TIR$ T ,I SIMPLY FELL
ASLEEP ON 8 %\LD] OR *E/4 ,BY ! 5D ( !
WEEK1 X 0 CLE> T WE CD N G BACK TO \R
RESPECTIVE HOMES )\T MAK+ PLANS = !
FUTURE4 ,LOVE _H 9DUBITABLY >RIV$6

    ,AN?ONY & ,GABRIEL3
  ,FIVE YE>S & C.T+1 WE / REM9ISCE ( T
NI<T 9 ,RO*E/]4 ,WE ALW ?9K ( :AT WE
BO? FELT ON T MO;T ( \R F/ KISS4 ,WE
ALW LAU< AT H[ WE 7 BO? PRET5D+ TO B
LESS 9T]E/$ 9 EA* O!R ?AN :AT WE   #CE
R1LLY W]E4 ,\R HE>TS >E FILL$ ) T5D];S
:5 WE REMEMB] H[ WE FELL 9 LOVE ) EA*
O!R'S DOGS1 2F FALL+ 9 LOVE ) EA* O!R4
,WE H GR[N & LE>N$ S M* F EA* O!R4 ,"O
( U HAS DEVELOP$ A TA/E = R$ W9E & !
O!R "O ( U HAS4 DEVELOP$ A
H>D-TO-A*IEVE 5?USIASM = P]=M+ DUR+
K>AOKE4 ,TGR1 WE H WELCOM$ NEW MEMB]S
9TO \R FAMILY1 BO? HUMAN & CAN9E4 ,WE
>E S 3NECT$ T1 Z WE WRITE ? >TICLE1 WE
>E BO? NOTIC+ ! USE1 OR OV]USE1 ( ! ^W
8WE0 9 ? P>AGRAPH4 ,WE MAY H EV5 />T$
PLANN+ TO COME BACK TO A 3V5;N & H A
C]TA9 3V5;N COORD9ATOR 2COME A W$D+
(FICIANT4 ,MO/ IMPORTANTLY1 WE W ALW
TELL ? /ORY ) ! FULLE/ ( HE>TS & !
UTMO/ FOND;S T[>DS A N-S-GLAMOR\S YET
*>M+ ( PLACES Z IS ,RO*E/]1 ,N4,Y4 ,WE
W ALW REMEMB] T WE >E 9DE$ A 8,3V5;NAL
,C\PLE60
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       ,,,I F.D MY TRUE LOVE 9
         A NEWSPAP] >TICLE,'
           BY ,TAMMY ,RO29S
  ,9 LATE ,OCTOB] #BJJE1 MY BOSS S5T
ME AN >TICLE F \R LOCAL NEWSPAP] AB A
MAN :O _H LO/ 8 SI<T 9 A MOTORCYCLE
A3ID5T 9 #AIIF4
  ,! >TICLE FOCUS$ ON ! FACT T EV5 ?\<
HE LO/ 8 SI<T1 HE WANT$ TO G BACK TO
"W Z A ME*ANIC 2C HE FELT T HE 0 /
P]FECTLY CAPABLE ( DO+ T JOB Z A BL
P]SON4
  ,AF R1D+ ! >TICLE1 ,I 0 V IMPRESS$ )
! FACT T ? MAN _H N GIV5 UP ON HMF & 0
WILL+ TO FI<T = :AT HE WANT$4
  ,HAV+ BE5 BL S9CE BIR? MYF1 ,I ALW
ADMIR$ O!RS :O DID N GIVE UP :5 !Y LO/
_! SI<T4 ,I F.D MYF R1LLY WANT+ TO
TALK ) ? MAN & SEE IF "! 0 ANY?+ ,I CD
D TO HELP HM ) 8 GOAL4
  ,UN=TUNATELY = ME1 F9D+ HM TURN$ \
TO 2 A BIT M DI6ICULT ?AN ,I ?"\ X WD
BE4 ,AT ! "T HE DID N H A PH"O ( 8 [N1
& "! 0 NO EASY WAY TO GET 8 ADDRESS4
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& "S RES\RCE;L FRS1 WE 7 F9ALLY ABLE
TO 3NECT AF N9E L;G MON?S4 ,:5 WE
TALK$ ON ! PH"O = ! F/ "T1 WE 9TRODUC$
\RVS4 ,I 0 V N]V\S4
  ,AF HE SD1 8,HI1 ,I'M ,BOB10 MY F/
"Q WAS1 8,H['S LIFE 9 ! WIT;S PROTEC;N
PROGRAM80 ,AF HE GI7L$1 WE W5T ON ) \R
*AT & EV5TUALLY PLANN$ = HM TO COME
SP5D ! WEEK5D S WE CD GET TO MEET 9
P]SON4 ,AT ! "T1 ? 0 ! BE/ ?+ TO D Z
WE NE$$ HELP ) TRANSPORTA;N & ! BUSSES
DIDN'T G TO ! T[N ": HE LIV$4
  ,:5 HE F9ALLY GOT TO MY H\SE1 X 0 L
WE'D "KN EA* O!R ="E4 ,WE TALK$ ALL
NI<T & 9TO ! FOLL[+ MORN+1 & WE ONLY
W5T TO SLEEP 2C WE 7 ABSOLUTELY
EXHAU/$4 ,Z ! WEEK5D CAME TO A CLOSE1
WE TRI$ TO FIGURE \ H[ WE CD DATE L
NORMAL P1 B ) TRANSPORTA;N & O!R
ISSUES1 WE KNEW X WASN'T GO+ TO 2
EASY4
  ,AT T PO9T1 ,I SU7E/$ T MAYBE WE %D
GIVE LIV+ TGR A TRY1 & ,BOB AGRE$ )
ME4 ,WE 4CUSS$ \R DECI.N ) MY SON1 &
HE ?"\ X 0 ! "R ?+ TO D4 ,S ,BOB MOV$
IN1 & WE 7 M>RI$ LESS ?AN "O YE> LAT]4
  ,WE GOT M>RI$ 9 A R5T$ HALL 9 A LL
T[N 9 ,3NECTICUT ) \R FAI?;L GUIDE
DOGS BY \R SIDES1 & WE 7 SURR.D$ BY \R
FAMILY & FRS4 ,AF WE SD \R V[S1 ,I
SANG 8,! ,ROSE0 & "EY"O CRI$1 9CLUD+
ME4
  ,"S P ?"\ WE 7 CRAZY1 & MAYBE WE
W]E1 B WE CELEBRAT$ \R #AITH YE> TGR
ON ,JULY F/ ( ? YE> & WE'RE / V HAPPY
& V M* 9 LOVE4
  ,I GUESS Y C N"E "K ": LOVE W COME
F4 ,I C]TA9LY N"E EXPECT$ TO F9D MY
S\LMATE 9 A NEWSPAP] >TICLE4
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      ,,,%IP %AP$ OR %IP %OCK$3
           "! >E N"O S BL Z
          ^? :O >E AT SEA6,'
     BY ,JANET ,DI ,NOLA ,P>M]T]
  "<,$ITOR'S ,NOTE3 ,? >TICLE
ORIG9ALLY RAN 9 ! ,JUNE #BJBC 8,,ACB
;,E-,=UM40 ,WE >E 9CLUD+ X "H 2C X'S A
GD H"OYMOON /ORY ,- & X W TAKE YR M9D
(F ALL ! SN[ FALL+ \TSIDE YR W9D[S4">
  ,= 9DEP5D5T BL P & ^? ) L[       #CI
VI.N1 US+ A :ITE CANE HAS NUM]\S
ADVANTAGES4 ,H["E1 2F 2+ TRA9$ TO USE
M9E1 ,I EXP]I;ED _M TRAGIC YET HUMOR\S
SITUA;NS : ,I CALL$ 8COMICAL SAGAS (
MY FE> ( :ITE CANES40 ,?ANK;LLY1 ,I
SM>T5$ UP 5 TO R1LIZE ,I NE$$ PROP]
MOBIL;Y TRA9+1 & N[1 ,I ALW USE ! :ITE
CANE1 OR MY PROV]BIAL 8:ITE KNI<T 9
%9+ >MOR60
  ,B1 AF F9ALLY AGREE+ TO MOBIL;Y
TRA9+1 9CR$IBLY1 OR P]H ,I %D SAY
/UPIDLY1 ,I / REFUS$ TO USE ! CANE4 ,S
:5 MY C>+ & P]SI/5T FR ,KIM SAW ME1 %E
REP1T$LY ASK$1 8,JANET1 ": IS YR
CANE80 ,KIM _H N BE5 9T5;NALLY TRY+ TO
%AME ME1 B H] 3T9U\S "Q VIRTUALLY
EMB>RASS$ ME 9TO R1LIZ+ H[ FOOLI% ,I
_H BE5 ACT+4
  ,UN=TUNATELY1 X TOOK A FEW BAD
EXP]I;ES TO FULLY 3V9CE ME TO 3/ANTLY
USE MY CANE4 ,:Y8 ,2C ,I KEPT ?9K+1
8,T DIDN'T HAPP5 J 2C ,I DIDN'T H A
CANE4 ,NEXT "T1 ,I'LL D T BETT] & X W
"W \40 ,AT T "T1 ,I DIDN'T "K ! SAY+1
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& EXPECTS A DI6]5T \TCOME40
  ,F Y\?1 MY ,ITALIAN GR&P>5TS ALW
TOLD ME1 8,HAI UNA TE/A DURA60 ,:
LIT]ALLY TRANSLATES 9TO1 8,Y H A H>D
H1D60 ,M OR LESS1 T IDIOMATIC PHRASE
M1NS "S"O IS A V DET]M9$1 T5ACI\S1 &
YES1 /U2ORN P]SON4 ,N T HAV+ A 8H>D
H1D0 IS LIMIT$ TO ,ITALIANS1 B ,I "K
"O /U2ORN ,ITALIAN F ,NEW ,J]SEY :O1
AF HE SLID (F A RO( ONTO 8 H1D1 BOA/$
) PRIDE1 8,! SIDEWALK CRACK$1 B N MY
H1D60
  ,SP1K+ ( RO(S1 A PRIOR >TICLE ,I
WROTE AF FALL+ "? "O 0 9ITIALLY TITL$1
8,DET]M9A;N TO ,BA!40 ,FITT+LY1 ,,T
>TICLE SUMM$ UP MY /R;G-M9D$1 P]SI/5T1
& P]H A TAD /U2ORN P]SONAL;Y4 ,) ?REE
PLA/] CA/S ON BO? LEGS & "O >M1 AG/ !
DOCTOR'S ADVICE1 ,I TRI$ TO 9V5T NEW
WAYS TO WA%1 :ILE ,,TRY+ TO KEEP ALL
?REE CA/S DRY4 ,HUMPH6 ,MAYBE ,I R1LLY
AM A 8TE/A DURA60 "<,DR4 ,HAMM]S*LAG1
MY OR?OP$IC SURGEON1 C]TA9LY ?"\ S4">
  ,9 ANY CASE1 "S ,ITALIANS WD SAY 2+
A TE/A DURA MAKES U /R;G1 & O!RS   #DA
WD SAY X MAKES U /U2ORN4 ,YET1 LOOK+
BACK ON ! HUMOR\S SITUA;NS 9 MY LIFE1
,I C TE/IFY F EXP]I;E1 "S"TS X SIMPLY
MAKES U LOOK DUMB4 ,IF ,DR4
,HAMM]S*LAG 7 ASK$ = A SECOND OP9ION1
,I'M SURE HE WD AGREE ) T DIAGNOSIS4
  ,N[1 ,I D N G ANY": )\T MY TRU/Y
:ITE CANE4 ,H["E1 2F ,I LE>N$ T
LESSON1 ,I EXP]I;ED ! FOLL[+ 8%IP %AP$
OR %IP %OCK$0 SITUA;N4 ,:ILE ,KEI? &
,I 7 ON \R TWO-WEEK ,EUROP1N H"OYMOON1
MY CANE ISSUES CR1T$ ANO!R
UNCOM=TABLE1 YET HUMOR\S SITUA;N4 ,0 X
! FE> ( LOOK+ VULN]ABLE8 ,0 X VAN;Y1
OR J PLA9 /UPID;Y8 ,:AT"E ,I 0 ?9K+ AT
! "T1 ,I / _H TREPIDA;N AB US+ A :ITE
CANE4
  ,9 #BJJJ1 MY NEW HUSB& & ,I LEFT
,V5ICE VIA AN ,ITALIAN CRUISE L9] ON
\R WAY TO ! GORGE\S ,GREEK ISL&S4 ,T
F/ MOONLIT NI<T ON DECK1 ) ! SPE$ ( !
%IP & ! COOL ,JUNE BREEZE1 X 0 A BIT
*ILLY4 ,KEI?1 MY "E-3SID]ATE HUSB&1
(F]$ TO RETURN TO ! CAB9 & BR+ ME BACK
A WOOL5 %AWL TO WRAP >.D MY ?9 SUMM]
EV5+ G[N4 ,YES1 HE IS DEF9ITELY SWEET
& 3SID]ATE1 B1 S9CE ,I AL WANT$ TO
*ANGE 9TO M COM=TABLE DANC+ %OES1 ,I
SU7E/$ HE WAIT = ME ON DECK4 ,AF A QK
%OE SWIT*1 ,I T\*$ UP MY MAKE-UP1 DA2$
ON M ,FR5* P]FUME1 REAPPLI$ MY RUBY R$
LIP/ICK1 & TOOK (F TO D.E ! NI<T AWAY
) MY NEW HU2Y4
  ,:5 ,I RETURN$ TO ! DECK1 ,I F.D
,KEI? ) FOLD$ >MS L1N+ ON ! %IP RAIL4
,9 DEEP ?"\1 HE 0 P5SIVELY />+ \ TO
SEA4 ,DEVI\SLY1 ,I SNUCK UP 2H HM1
SLIPP$ MY >M PA/ 8 B5T ELB[1 LAID MY
H1D ON 8 %\LD] & 9 A SULTRY VOICE SD1
8,S1 :AT D Y WANT TO D N[80
  ,G5TLY1 9 A W>M T5D] MANN]1 HE SLID
8 H& OV] M9E & SL[LY :ISP]$1 8,I N "K1
:AT ,,Y WANT D80
  ,HE>+ ? DEEP VOICE ) A =EIGN A35T1
,I IMMLY J]K$ MY H& & >M AWAY F HM1
:IPP$ UP MY H1D T[>D 8 FACE1 & />$ UP
AT ! GR9 ( A WIDE-EY$ SMIL+ /RANG]4
  ,9 A SECOND1 ) A BLOOD-CURDL+ SCR1M1
SIMULTANE\SLY ,I PULL$ MY BODY AWAY F
HM Z ?\< ,I _H BE5 /RUCK BY AN     #DC
ELECTRIC %OCK4 ,! SCR1M 0 S L\D1 P ?"\
"S"O FELL 9TO ! ,ADRIATIC ,SEA4 ,:ILE
P RU%$ TO LOOK OV]BO>D1 ,I PULL$ AWAY
F ? %OCK$ /RANG] & YELL$1 8,Y'RE N MY
HUSB&6 ,Y'RE N MY HUSB&60 ,) A WIDE
SMIRK1 HE /ROK$ MY >M & 9 BROK5 ,5GLI%
SNICK]$1 8,NO1 ,I N HUSB&60
  ,) MY EMB>RASS$ R$ FACE1 ,I BACK$
AWAY F HM ) >MS WILDLY FLAIL+ SIDE TO
SIDE L A WOMAN :O 0 R1DY TO 2 BAD1 B J
REP5T$ & *ANG$ H] M9D4 ,I /AMM]$1
8,I'M SORRY1 UM1 ,I'M S SORRY6 ,I'M ON
MY1 UM1 H"OYMOON1 & ,I ?"\ Y 7 MY
HUSB&6 ,I'M SORRY1 UM1 ,I'M M>RI$1 &
,I M1N ,I J GOT M>RI$6 ,OH1 ,,R1LLY1
,I'M S SORRY6 ,UM1 OH MY1 :AT ,I AM
TRY+ TO SAY IS ? IS MY H"OYMOON &1
UMM1 ANYWAY1 CIAO60 ,9 A SPLIT SECOND
,I :IRL$ >.D & FL$ L ,C9D]ELLA :5 !
CLOCK /RUCK MIDNI<T4
  ,EMB>RASS$ & ANNOY$1 ,I LEFT1
MUTT]+1 8,IF ,I ONLY _H MY :ITE CANE1
"! WD 2 NO?+ TO EXPLA96 ,)\T A ^W1
,MR4 ;,X WD H IMMLY "U/OOD ! 5TIRE
AWKW>D SITUA;N1 & ,I WD N H BE5 /AMM]+
L A BA2L+ IDIOT60 ,/ ANGRY ) MYF1 ,I
?"\1 8,:AT IS WR;G ) ME8 ,IF ,I ONLY
US$ MY CANE1 "EY?+ WD H BE5 F9E40
  ,FRANTICALLY LOOK+ SIDE TO SIDE1 ,I
N]V\SLY TI<T5$ MY %AWL1 WOND]+ IF
,KEI? _H SE5 ME SNU7LE UP TO ?
WANT-TO-BE M ?AN FRLY =EIGN]4 ,:AT A
RELIEF :5 ,I F.D ,KEI? ON ! O!R SIDE (
! %IP1 FAC+ ! OPPOSITE DIREC;N1
OBLIVI\S TO "EY?+4 ,DR9K 9 H&1 HE 0
P1CE;LLY SITT+ AT A TABLE4
  ,KEI? 0 R1DY TO RELAX & 5JOY ! QUIET
MUSIC & EV5+ AMBI.E1 S WE SLID TWO
L\NGE *AIRS TGR & /RET*$ \4 ,WELL1 AT
L1/ ,I TRI$ TO RELAX1 B1 S9CE T 0 ! F/
EV5+ ( A SEV5-"D CRUISE1 MY ?"\S CAUS$
ME "S APPREH5.N AB ! POSSIBIL;Y ( FAC+
,MR4 ;,X ABO>D %IP4 ,9 MY M9D ,I
RA;NALIZ$1 8,:Y %D ,I WORRY1 ,I H NO
IDEA :AT HE EV5 LOOKS L40 ,)9 A FEW
M9UTES1 ,I TALK$ MYF 9TO A CALM /ATE (
S]5;Y4
  ,FEEL+ A BIT M AT EASE1 ,I SAT BACK
ON ! DECK L\NGE *AIR & F A FLUT$
GLASS1 SIPP$ A REFRE%+ PROSE3O &   #DE
P1* BELL9I4 ,SECONDS LAT]1 MY ANXIETY
WAN$1 & ,I TOTALLY 3V9C$ MYF TO 2
UNCONC]N$ AB ! E>LI] %OCK+ %IP
%5ANIGANS4
  ,PUTT+ \R L\NGE *AIRS 9TO RECL9$
POSI;NS1 WE SIL5TLY GAZ$ UP AT ! />S &
HELD H&S L TWO S*OOL *N4 ,) ,VIVALDI
PLAY+ 9 ! BACKGR.D1 & A SECOND BELL9I1
X PROV$ TO 2 A /UNN+ 5D TO A 4CONC]T+
2G9N+4 ,SOON1 ,I RELAX$1 CLOS$ MY EYES
& 5JOY$ ! COOL SEA AIR FANN+ ACR MY
*EEKS4
  ,Z M* Z ,I TRI$ TO 3TROL MY ?"\S1
SL[LY1 !Y DRIFT$ BACK TO ! HUMILIAT+
EV5T E>LI] 9 ! EV5+4 ,OV] & OV]1 MY
3FUS$ /AMM]+ COM;TS RAC$ >.D MY M9D &
8,Y'RE N MY HUSB&1 ,I J GOT M>RI$1
,I'M ON MY H"OYMOON40 8,Y'RE N MY
HUSB&60 8,Y'RE N MY HUSB&60 KEPT
SCR1M+ "? MY BRA94
  ,ALL ^! UNCONTROLL$ ?"\S PUT ME 9TO
! OV]PRIC$ EXP5SIVE ,ITALIAN %OES (
,MR4 ;,X4 ,N[1 :AT 0 HE ?9K+8 ,:AT CD
HE H POSSIBLY ?"\ ( ME8 ,:AT CD HE H
444 OH NO6 ,IMMLY1 ,I OP5$ MY EYES1
SAT UP1 & CAME TO ! R1LIZA;N ( :AT HE
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,HE KNEW ,I J GOT M>RI$1 & YES1 HE
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PROBABLY FELT V SORRY = :AT HE
UND\BT$LY ?"\ 0 T 8PITI;L DRUNK
,AM]ICAN1 / ON A B5D] 2C %E DOESN'T
EV5 "K :O %E M>RI$ OR :AT H] NEW HUSB&
LOOKS L60
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        #DE YE>S1 NUN TAU<T *N
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  "<,$ITOR'S ,NOTE3 ,? >TICLE 0
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8,! ,BRL ,=UM40 ,X CAME TO U F ,JAMES
,3GDON1 :O _H ,SI/] ,MEL Z 8 RES\RCE
T1*] DUR+ 8 MIDDLE S*OOL YE>S4 ,WE
REGRET TO 9=M Y T ,SI/] ,MELM>IE ,/OLL
PASS$ AWAY 9 ,APRIL ( #BJBJ4 ,H]
MEMORIAL MASS MAY 2 F.D AT HTTPS3_/_/"
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